The Cheerleader

Performed by Adam Sandler and Steve Koren

[Sound of pom-poms]
Cheerleader: [With annoying feminine voice] "Ok you guys, let's hear some spirit!"
[Performing cheer]
Cheerleader: "United, we are united.. We'll be 'cause we're the Tigers, we're out for vic-tor-y - Yeah!"
[No response]
Cheerleader: "Come on you guys! I wanna hear you!"
[Still no response]
Cheerleader: "Come on! The girls volleyball team's got a big game tonight! And we're gonna win 'cause we're the -"
Guy in crowd: "Sit down!"
Cheerleader: "You guys are assholes!" [Whining] "You think this is easy being a cheerleader!? Let's see you come down here and try it!"
Guy: "Shut up!"
Cheerleader: "You're the one who should be shutting up! This is my senior year of cheerleading and you're ruining it! I paid for my pom-poms with my own money." [Half-crying]
Guy: "You suck!"
Cheerleader: [Hurt] "I was gonna do a split for you guys, but now I'm not gonna cuz you guys don't appreciate anything."
[Something hurled and hit Cheerleader]
Cheerleader: "Owwww! Who threw that!? I'm gonna get a bruise now! I hate my school!" [Whining]
[Crowd cheering softly in background]
Guy: "We're sorry."
[Pause]
Guy: "Just kidding, you suck!"