On Any Other Day

Chorus I:
My wife has burned the scrambled eggs.
The dog's just bit my leg.
My teen-aged daughter ran away.
My fine young son has turned out gay.
Cut up my fingers in the door of my car.
How could I do it?
My wife is proud to tell me of her love affairs.
How could she do this to me?
Chorus I
Chorus II:
And it would be OK on any other day. (2x)
Throw down the morning papers, and spill my tea.
I don't know whats wrong with me.
The cups and plates are in a conspiracy.
I'm covered in misery.
Chorus I
Chorus II X4 (w/ Chipmunk-like voice: "Happy birthday dear daddy")
The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp.