Hero

The pilot had a heart attack. The co-pilot can't be found.
The people in the aisles are screamin'. They know the plane is goin' down.
We need a hero, someone to save us.
We need a hero to land the plane.
We need a hero, who's gonna do it.
We need a hero to save the day. yeah!
So I jump to my feet, and I volunteer. The people on the plane all start to cheer.
I get a high five from a baby, and a hickey from a flight attendant.
So I go into the cockpit put the headset on, and grab the main controls.
Then I right away I crash the plane because I don't know what I'm doin'.

[Part 2]
We're on a runaway train. The conductor had a meltdown.
The people in the dining car are screaming really really loud.
We need a hero, someone to save us.
We need a hero to bring us through the danger.
We need a hero, somebody competent.
We need a hero to save the day. Yeah!
So I put the engineer's hat on the top of my head. The people go f***in' crazy.
A guy says, "You're the man, man", and a deaf woman signs, "Go get em'".
So I go to the cab and I toot the whistle. That's something that I alway wanted to do.
Then right away we fly off the bridge, because I don't know what I'm doin'

[Part 3]
We're in a nice family restaurant. Somebody's Grandma is choking on a lamb chop.
There's panic in the air as Nana's face turns blue. The busboy screams in spanish, "What the
F*** do we do?!"
We need a hero, who's gonna do it.
We need a hero to clear out her windpipe.
We need a hero, who's down with Heimlich?
We need a hero to save the day. Yeah!
So I slap my napkin down on the table, and I get a f***in' standin' ovation.
Another guy gets up and says he's a doctor. I say, "Sit the f*** down, I got this s***.
Then I wrap my arms around Grandma's chest, and look her grandkids deep in the eyes.
Then right away I break all her ribs, because I don't know what I'm doin'